Thoughts on Accountability

Acceptance and accountability go hand-in-hand.  If I accept you for who you are, then, when something goes wrong, the fault must be mine.  This is a scary position to be in!  We are accustomed to blaming others.  Laying blame feels easier and is definitely a form of self-protection.  But a world where everyone else is at fault translates to a world we have no control over.  I can’t control how you behave.  If I blame you for our problems, then I also attribute their resolution to a change in your behavior.  How frustrating it is when nothing changes!  If only you would fix the problem!!!

But wait…if I can step back and accept you for who you are, then I can examine my role in the problem.  (Note that I didn’t say “blame”.)  Through examination of my behavior, I can choose whether to change my behavior.  It may be that a slight modification in my response will improve the situation significantly!

Frustration is a red-flag, a signal that I feel out-of-control and an opportunity to examine my role in the situation.  By taking accountability for my behaviors and actions, I can make an impact.

Thoughts on Acceptance

My husband overheard a conversation I was having with a girlfriend the other day.  He said, “She just needs to accept him as he is.”  Now there’s a nugget of wisdom!  Isn’t the #1 thing we desire from others to be accepted for who we are?  I may expect you to accept me — but then why is it so hard for me to accept you?

We carry around expectations.  In fact, we’re burdened with them.  ”She’s so disorganized, she never gets her work completed in time.”  “Why does he have to be so rude?  If he could just be nicer then our customer issue would have been resolved by now.”   If expectations aren’t lived up to, one person is disappointed and the other person ends up being labeled with some unflattering adjective.  The relationship now carries a black cloud into future interactions.

Can we live without expectations?  Certainly we have expectations for ourselves.  But is it fair to extend expectations to others?  Isn’t this projecting into the future?  If I can truly live “in the moment”, I eliminate expectations.  I must trust and have faith that each moment will unfold as is.  And that is the ultimate acceptance.  Accepting that what happens happens.

But that doesn’t mean that I live my life at the whim of the moment or at the mercy of other people’s actions, or that I’m always happy and carefree.  Bringing my best to every moment means being honest with myself and others, being transparent and not having hidden agendas, and being clear as to what I expect from myself and others.  It means operating with the highest of intentions, understanding that everything is interrelated, and accepting of outcomes.

A mentor of mine states that “Struggle is unnecessary”.  So when I find myself in a state of struggle, it’s a sign that I’m not accepting something.  The first step towards action is acceptance.  Once I accept the situation, it allows me to move on.

The same is true for people.  By accepting you for who you are, I invite you to accept me.